moving forward
by gothgirl61
Summary: how will beck cope when he looses the love of his life and has to deal with bringing up his daughter with the guidence of his friends and family ? can he manage without tori by his side ?
1. Chapter 1

**~hiya its me , i decided to delete my story ****_there was me and you _****and start to write a different one . sorry if the first chapter and maybe the second chapter arn't very good im writing them a around 1 in the morning because i cant sleep so ... finaly i would like to say if you are going to comment (which i hope you do) , if you are going to critisize my writing could you try to be a bit more considerate about my feelings , ok i may not be the best writer in the world but i try my hardest .**

**disclaimer : i dont own victorious**

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chapter 1

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three months... its almost been three months since beck lost the love of his life . he would always remember the moment he handed her the little bundle of pride and joy , the way her smile reached from ear to ear , the way a single tear escaped her eye as she bent down to kiss their baby on the head , the way she kissed him and told him she would always love him no matter what happened.

but the thing he would remember the most is the beeping noise that filled the room moments after little patricia oliver had been taken out of the room to be cleaned up , the moment he swung around from the door to see his beautiful girlfriends eyes sliding shut , putting a padlock on the gateway to her soul and throwing away the key .

heaven gained an angel and so did he , he was going to protect and guid her as much as he could before it was his time to be reunited with his love .

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~i know its short but what do you expect its 5 to 1 in the morning **please reveiw** :)


	2. authors note (please dont skip)

**authors note :**

**ok i just wanna say that maybe the first to either second or third chapter will show beck looking after baby patricia , then chapters after that will go into teenage patricia and how beck deals with having a teenage daughter... **


	3. Chapter 2

~again sorry if this is bad it is now 5 past 1 in the morning but i have ideas in my head and sleep will chase them away ... lets hope they are worth it ...

**disclaimer : victorious never was nor never will be mine **

chapter 2

beck was running around like a headless chicken when jade and andre arrived at the door of his RV . Andre banged his fist against the metel door till his hand turned red .

" beck answer the door we know your in there "!, andre yelled .

"hold on a sec " , came becks struggling voice from inside.

"beck its freezing out here come on , open the dam door !", jade yelled ,"never mind" .

she reached inside the wheel of the rv and produced a small key , with a quick turn in the keyhole jade and andre went bustling into the RV , but were stopped in their tracks by what they saw .

Beck was stood facing the door covered in talcon powder , and in the corner on the sofa was a pile of balled up yet clean nappys .

"help me , please help me ..." , beck broke down to the floor in tears holding yet another clean nappy .

jade rushed forward and was on her knees hugging beck while his body shook with sobs , andre went over to deal with the baby , he started muttering .

"if Tori... was ... here she ... would ... of been... able ... to do... all of ... this , but i cant ... i just cant , ...p-please help me jade , p-p-please ? ",he gasped for breath as another wave of tears hit his body.

"beck we are all here , and we are all going to help you ok , but you need to pull yourself together for your daughter " , jade said pulling his face to look him directly in the eyes to show she ment what she said .

" im trying , i really am but its so hard , whenever i look at patricia i see tori and it hurts me so much knowing i wont see her beautiful face ever again when i wake up in the morning or when i go to sleep at night ... it kills me everyday that i know my daughter is going to grow up and never hug her mom , she will never have her mom to go to when she needs girlly advice about boys and stuff ... it hurts ... " , no more tears come but his body still shakes .

" i know it hurts now , it will probrebly always hurt but it will get to a point were its bearable and were you can move forward with your life with your daughter and be happy " , jade smiled at him " now why dont you go and lay down , get some rest , we will look after patricia ok ".

" no its fine " , beck say jumping up and moving further away from his bed , he knows he cant sleep , during the day he can find distractions to keep his mind off tori , they dont always work but he has a chance ; when he sleeps he wouldnt be able to defende his mind against the ongoing battle with his thoughts . he wouldnt have a choice in watching the events of that day repeat over and over and over again .

~ i got a bit emotional from writing part of this chapter . **please reveiw x :)**


	4. Chapter 3

disclaimer : i dont ( but i wish i did ) own victorious .

chapter 4

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beck was awoken at 3:30 in the morning once again by patricias ongoing crying , he stumble forward into the darkness running his hands along each surface until his hands came in contact with the lamp switch .

once his eyes adjusted he made his way to his crying baby and lifted her out of her cot .

balencig her on his hip , beck started swaying slightly until patricias eyes slowly drooped shut .

"i am so tired "...

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authors note : just gunna say i am moving up the age of patricia now because im not good with writing baby stuff x , on with thous story :)

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15 years later

" dad im goin' to cody's house see ya later " patricia yelled from the front door .

"no you are not young lady not dressed like that !", beck stated looking his daughter up and down , she was wearing a black tank top with short shorts .

" but dad...! " ,

"no , now go upstairs and change , oh and thanks for asking before you were going to leave ," beck said sarcastically.

"ugh whatever " , patricia yelled stomping up the stairs.

beck made his way back into the living room where he had been sorting through his old photo albums and deciding what to keep.

he came across an exreamly large purple photo album that was bigger than the rest and stored right at the bottom of the box , memorys that pained him were thrown across nearly every page , it was a photo album tori had put together when they had just started dating up to the moment she went into labour ... she said to take pictures of everything just so she wouldnt forget a single moment , he had put the final pictures in while they were waiting at the hospital , there were also pictures of all of our friends with us doing all the wierd stuff we did like : driving in a giant cupcake with thugs to get to a paraide to raise awareness of paraides , or spending the night at sikowitz's house for a method acting thing , when his friend moose came to visit ~ he got so jelous when tori blew him off to hang out with moose and missed all their rehersals for tinkleaid, but she made it up to him when she sung that song ; L.A boys~ he stared at the photo album he couldnt believe he could forget it.

on the other side of the now almost empty box was a small camera , he knew why he put that camera in there , all the memorys he had been supressing for the last couple of years came flooding back , he knew what photos that little camera held , the photos he couldnt bare to look at ... the photos that were taken after patricia was born , there was 1 picture of the 3 of them together .

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patricia came down stairs to find her dad crying in the living room .

"dad..? whats wrong whats happened?!", she said rushing to his side.

"oh its nothing really ",he tryed to force a smile but it didnt work , a sigh escaped his lips.

patricia look at the book laid out infront of him ,"is it mum?"


	5. Chapter 4

**~ hiya sorry i havent uploaded in a while , sorry for any spelling mistakes its almost 2 in the morning , oh and expect a new story soon ~**

**DISCLAIMER: i dont own victorious**

chapter 5

Beck POV:

i knew i would have to take her when she was old enough to comprehend what was happening , i used to take her when she was a baby , but as she got older it started to make her sad , so i stopped. she never remembers coming here. i tried protecting her from anything that could hurt her; here we are in the place i had become so used to avoiding , then feeling guilty, and coming anyway, there was no way i could stop that from happening. patricia knew what happened to her mother i couldnt keep that from her but around the time we stopped coming here we stopped talking about her mother so much , the eventually we stopped talking about her altogether.

hot tears made tracks on my face as i watched my daughter crouched by the headstone of her mother tears also making their way from her eyes . we stayed like this for along time , me watching from afar to give her the space she needs .

End POV

"Dad could you take me home now?", patricia asked , her tear stained face emotionless.

"Sure sweetheart lets go", and with that they walked away from the harsh memorys that had come flooding , for now atleast.

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When they arrived home they were greeted by a bone crushing hug,

"where the hell were you , when i got here there were messages from patricias friends asking why she never showed up, when i saw the pictures of ... of Tori out... I thought the worst" , jade finished sadly .

"trix why dont you go upstairs i will start dinner soon okay " , beck said ushering his daughter towards the stairs .

"okay, see ya", patricia said in a sad voice and she trooped up the stairs.

once Beck heard patricias door slam , the anger that always makes an appearence after visiting tori came out.

"how dare you say that sort of stuff in front of my daughter!", Beck shouted in jades face.

" well im sorry if i jump to conclusions ... its not like you havent tried to do it before!", jade yelled back.

" i cant believe you think i would drag my daughter into something like that , when that happened it was right after it happened and i couldnt deal okay , so dont you dare throw that in my face !", beck shouted his temper rising.

"none of us were dealing , obviously you were taking it the hardest and with patricia , but we tried to help but you pushed us away now who is left huh how many of your friends are you still in touch with , huh ?!", jade pushed.

"yeah okay i pushed them away , because i couldnt deal with all the questions , and all the patronizing voices , people trying to be sympothetic, saying they understood ... how could they possibly understand , i lost the love of my life , so i tried to take my own to be with her. and you know what the hardest thing in my life even after all these years , is to live each day pretending im fine but really im like an unopened jigsaw , inside im all broken into peices but on the outside im whole , the outside of me is just a shell to carry around the broken peices of my soul... ".

"Dad ?" , Beck spun around tto the stairs to see patricia sat huddles against the banister looking through at the arguing pair.

"how much of that did you hear...", Beck said slowly.

"... all of it", patricia said as she stood and made her way up to her bedroom.


End file.
